God of Kicking Ass Is More Like It

Kratos with Swords

OK, I have to make a confession. Most of the time I try to stay away from games that come out on systems I don't own, but I had to make an exception for God of War. Wow, where to start...
Let me open with a question. Why does the ESRB have an Adults Only rating if they don't ever use it? I only pose that question because if there has ever been a mainstream game that deserves that rating, this is the game. People can bitch about GTA all they want, but all I know is this; GTA is fairly violent and most of its violence is pretty cut and dry (no pun intended). For instance, at no point in GTA do you take a short sword and slowly ease it into someone's mouth and out the back of their head as a prelude to jerking it from side to side, thereby cleaving their skull in two. That sort of violence isn't lightly sprinkled throughout God of War, you can do that, or something similarly wanton, to every single enemy you see.
But surely all this violence isn't without a balancing characteristic... That's right! There's also a fair amount of sex, too! And by a fair amount I mean that immediately after beating the first level, you are presented with a minigame in which the object is to have sex with two naked girls using button presses DDR style (use your imagination). By doing this, you gain glowing orbs of light that you can use to power up your weapons and magic. More powerful weapons mean you can visit even more morally bankrupt acts upon your foes. Hooray!
So after that kind of a rant, surely my assessment of this game is pretty straightforward, right?
That is correct.
This game is awesome. So violent. So purely malevolent. So loosely based upon Greek mythology. What more can I ask for? I mean honestly now, you impale a hydra on a ship's mast with your flaming swords whilst floating around shooting lightning from your eyes. If you don't think this game was custom made specifically for me, you don't know me very well.
In completely unrelated news, Guero drops today. I'll have a complete assessment of it as soon as I can extract myself from the warm, fuzzy goodness that it will pour into my brain like a river of sweet cream flowing from the bucket of some 50s Dutch milkmaid that you see in a Looney Toons cartoon.

Go It Alone

Falcon out

A Hutch-tastic Spring Break

Sorry it’s been so long since I've posted anything, but I've been on Spring Break for the last week. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't that I was sooooo enraptured by the visceral bliss of Spring Break to post anything. I was back in Hutchinson and all I had was dial-up. I would rather not post anything than muster the patience necessary to upload photos, post text, edit HTML and republish my blog on a 56k connection. For those of you who don't know the exquisite joy of screaming along at 56k/second, it's a lot like painting a house with a toothbrush... avoid it at all costs, your sanity will thank you. I guess I shouldn't bitch too much, up until a year ago I didn't have internet at all and the nearest ethernet jack I could use was 14 miles away in my mom's classroom. At least now checking my email doesn't involve being in a car for half an hour.
On the whole, Spring Break was a very relaxing endeavor. I caught up on some reading, spent some time with my family, did some good outdoorsy stuff, helped my grandma, enjoyed a ton of home cooking, chatted with some people I hadn't seen in quite a while, got a few good laughs at Hutchinson's expense, and saw some good movies.
Speaking of movies, one of the flicks I caught from the comfort of my couch was Finding Neverland. If you haven't heard anything of it yet, the plot centers on the supposed writing of the play Peter Pan. The film does a masterful job intermixing the alternate realities of the characters' imaginations with what is really going on at the time and both makes you feel like a little kid and brings you crashing back down to Earth with the seemingly slightest effort. Check it out if you get the chance, I doubt you'll be disappointed.
So that's all for now, but keep in mind that the next week or so will likely be an orgy of updates, as no less than 3 amazing games, the 10th album from Lord Beck Hansen, and Sin City all come out within a week of each other. Thank you, come again often!

Black Tambourine

Falcon out

C+ at Best

Mediocrity Rules!

So last night I went down to my local theater to check out the The Ring Two. But before I continue with the story I need to go on a quick little rant. Being as I am afflicted with mild OCD, I take my labeling schemes pretty seriously. Let me explain one of them for you so I can be sure that we're on the same page.
There are a few types of movies which can scare you. There are scary movies, whose primary method of attack is psychological and keeps you up at night well after the day you saw the movie (i.e. The Exorcist). There are horror movies, which scare and disgust you with grotesque depictions of unsavory realities (i.e. Dawn of the Dead). And lastly there are slasher flicks. All they do is startle you by building up a tense mood with music, lighting, etc. and then having someone pop out at you when you are sufficiently susceptible to being surprised. In slasher flicks these tactics are necessary because without them, slasher flicks would be about as scary as your little sister hiding under your bed and yelling "boo" when you shut off the lights. Now that I've cleared that up, I can continue.
As a fan of scary movies in general, I enjoyed the first Ring film thoroughly and was fairly excited for the sequel. Much to my dismay, I met with two disappointments that evening. The first was the fact that students tickets have jumped up a whole dollar, bringing them to a gut-wretching $6.25. Does anyone else think that it is weird that a teen would have to work two hours at minimum wage just so they could afford to go see an hour and a half film? I sure do.
The second was the movie itself... it wasn't scary. I'll repeat that for you. The RIng Two was not scary. The RIng Two wallowed in the abyss of slasher flick hell for 107 minutes. I mean we honestly walked out of the theater singing the American Gladiators theme song, for God's sake (if you've seen the movie, think of the showdown scene and hum the tune... it's good for a laugh). Sure there were a few scary moments, but nothing that stuck with me for even as long as it took to walk to the car. Not like the first movie. The first movie scared half of America shitless, and the other half at least started sleeping with a baseball bat beside their beds.
So, needless to say, I was a little pissed that I had just dropped $6.25 on a movie that did nothing more than give a few new inside jokes. Oh well. Sometimes you eat the bar...

Bitches Ain’t Shit

Falcon out

Spring-a-Ling

The Infamous "Summer Uniform"

So Spring has officially come to Lawrence, Kansas. I walked outside today was was greeted by an old, wayward friend, the SUN. Hooray! I promptly went back inside and changed into my summer uniform, beaming from ear to ear. To celebrate this momentous temperature upswing (it's currently 62°), I am off to zip around in my car around whilst listening to Let’s Go. Cheers!

Nihilism

Falcon out and about

Fun with Pictures

Phil Mickelson

Every now and again I come across photos on the net that I can't help but see all kinds of potential in. Some of them require my Photoshop skills in order to blossom to their full potential. Every now and again, however, I find thrilling photos that need no help whatsoever. I am proud to present such an example right here, right now.
Apparently ol' Phil missed an important put, and needed a little pick-me-up. Good thing he has hordes of loyal fans at his disposal...
To redeem myself from being a total filth-monger I will post all the translations to the Latin proverbs from my former posts. Most of them actually had some relevance to that particular post, so go back and check them out in context for the full effect. It sure seemed like a good idea at the time...

Falcon out

Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.
"Perhaps even this will one day be pleasant to look back on"

Dosis facit venemon.
"The dose makes the poison."

Ad astra per aspera.
"To the stars through difficulties." duh

Vinum et musica laetificant cor.
"Wine and music delight the heart."

Sum asinus asinorum in saecula saeculorum.
"I am the biggest ass of all time."

Ora et labora.
"Pray and work."

Ubi concordia, ibi victoria.
"Where there is harmony, there is victory."

Brothers in Arms

Beautiful, Sunny France!

If you have been paying attention to the bar over at the right, you've noticed that for the last week or so, I have been spending a bit quality time with an Xbox game called Brothers in Arms. Needless to say, Brothers in Arms is an excellent game. But unlike so many games of late, Brothers in Arms' greatness doesn't stem from its flashy graphics, eXtreme nature, or awkward premise; it is a very realistic, World War II shooter. Sometimes it's a bit rough around the edges, highly graphic, or frustrating, but then again so was World War II. Another fun nuance of the game is its highly realistic sighting system. There is no aiming reticule and when you want to zoom in, it simply shows a view down the barrel of the the sights on the rifle. In other words, any experience you have in shooting a real rifle will exponentially increase your success in the game.
I loved this feature, as I have fired quite a few rifles in my time and this aiming system immediately felt completely intuitive to me.
Another great aspect of the game is the attention to detail. Since the game was based on a true story, the game designers actually went to the places in the game, looked at Army Signal Corps photographs, conducted interviews with eyewitnesses, and spent countless hours at munitions museums and firing ranges perfecting every single aspect of the game. The graphics are a bit under par, but the sound is amazing. You also "get" to command several squads in order to suppress enemies so that you can flank them and finish them off with ease. This was an interesting aspect of the game that was cool at times and very annoying at others. I would have generally preferred to go it alone against the waves of Nazis, but they were helpful now and again.
Overall it's a wonderful game that you should definitely check out, especially if you have seen and are a fan of the Band of Brothers series that was on HBO.
This time I'll leave you with an up-and-coming rapper named Jean Grae. I love Hip Hop and whenever I find a new female emcee who can hold it down, I get pretty excited. Gotta love the ladies...

A-Alikes

Falcon out

MIA

Me During Midterms

Hi, everybody. Sorry it's been a week since last I wrote, but it's been pretty hectic around here. The KU faithful have been right in the middle of midterms, and I have been no exception. I've also had some interesting events happening lately that have absorbed quite a bit of my attention. Over the next day or so I will try to devote a post to each one, so stayed tuned for a few new updates.

E-Pro

Falcon out

P.S. If you click on any of the music links and get nothing, you probably need to download the latest version of iTunes. Just do it. It's the best music program ever. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves and you.

God Bless America

Edward Moss

So a few days ago I was flipping through the channels on the ol' television (a sign that I am REALLY bored), and I saw a commercial for a show on E! that was about the Jackson Trial. Now this wasn't any ordinary news show, or an in-depth analysis of the trial that featured experts from across the country, or even a comedy (although in retrospect, maybe it is). This particular show acquires the court transcripts from each day in the Jackson Trial and uses them as the script for "dramatic reenactments" of that day's courtroom happenings. Seriously. E! hired actors to play every single person in the courtroom then gave them the transcripts and these idiots use the transcripts as the stage direction for some ridiculous ape of reality.
At what point in American history did people lose all sense of tact, dignity, and morality? Sure Jackson has been accused of similar trespasses in the past, but does that give us license to utterly rape his privacy? Would it be appropriate for the E! network to take the most embarrassing moment of your life, have all your friends tell them what happened, and then make a play out of it to be broadcast on national TV? I think not. Let's not forget that Jackson (and everyone else, for that matter) is innocent until proven guilty. Not that I put that much faith in legal system to actually prove anything anymore, but we should at least stay the course until the verdict. Then we can let the speculation begin.
Another interesting thing that I read the other day was that an American scientist recently won a very prestigious award for improving the scientific understanding of religion. Normally I wouldn't be all that concerned, but the scientist is none other than Charles Townes, the inventor of the laser. That's right, the laser. Vooosh! Apparently, when Prof. Townes wasn't busy being one of the most brilliant people in the world, he was fond of writing papers about the how closely related science and religion were. Nobody gave him any credit at the time, but I'm sure that the $1.5 million he received with this prize has eased the sting a bit. And who ever said that being a scientist never pays? So until next time:

I’m a Cuckoo

Falcon out

I Rule

"The Backseat" on Google

During the Great Overhaul Extravaganza I was searching for info on the iMovie Film Festival so I could link it in my previous post, and so I Googled "The Backseat." Much to my surprise, one of the first things that popped up was my own blog! I was third only to O'Reilly and Macworld. In other words... I Rule! Nothing else to say, just thought I would pat myself on the back for being so great. I have also decided that my Latin quote gimmick is too elitist, as no one likely understood a single one of the proverbs. So I have a new idea; we'll try it out and see how it goes. Until next time:

Beautifully Absurd

Falcon out

Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

So we finally had our first Spring Storm of the year. It was glorious. The smell of the air, the fantastic light show, the gentle patter of rain on the roof... there's just nothing like it. So Matt and I felt compelled to crank open the garage, have a beer, and absorb the storm before it moved on to Kansas City. We decided to kill two birds with one stone by taking our laptops out with us so we could get some homework done, check our email, and generally waste time. This wasting of time, however, ending up being a very productive venture, as Matt showed me that you could customize all kinds of things on your blog by manipulating the HTML code. So after much trial, error, cussing, and spitting I finally yelled "I Rule!" I have a fairly decent idea of how some HTML works now (I had no idea before, so I guess I improved a bit) and so I can do much more on the ol' blog. Not only are the new posts going to have links to relevant sites but the old entries got a facelift, as well. In addition, the whole blog got a makeover, with an all-new column of fun stuff to check out over on the right. Another fun thing that I think most people have no idea is even there is the Comments field at the bottom of each post. Just click on the link and tell me what you think, it's that simple! I'd love to hear any comments that you care to make. So until next time:

Peace, Prosperity, and a Little Paper

Falcon out

"Nice Guys Finsh Last"

So what do you think? How much stock do you put in some stupid old saying? Although I would generally say that there is absolutely no truth to some ridiculous aphorism, tonight has really made me wonder. Tonight was an interesting night, and normally I would shrug and grin and say, "C'est la vie, " but tonight was different for some reason. You know those nights... everything seems to start out great, but at some point in the evening someone, somewhere, decides that the whole world should start working against you and no matter how much you try not to care, it still manages to get to you. Oh well, all part of The Ranch experience, right?
Right?
Right...

Falcon out

Republic Commando

Delta Squad

I was going to say a few quick words about the new Xbox game Republic Commando in my last post, but then I thought better of it. First off, I didn't want anything to draw your attention away from the fact that a world record for human achievement had been set in Kansas today. Second, I don't have a few words to say, I have quite a few.
To start off, the game is great. It has everything that an FPS needs to really stand out; cool levels, great guns, smart enemy AI, and mission objectives that are so well integrated into the gameplay that sometimes you forget that someone is telling you to accomplish something and you're not just doing it because it seems like a good idea.
Speaking of AI, your computer-controlled squadmates are some of the most impressive feats of artificial intelligence design I've ever seen. They back you up, banter back and forth on the battlefield, tell you when there's a guy behind you, duck under your line of fire when necessary, and work together like a pack of wild animals in order to accomplish their goals with grim efficiency.
The squad controls are also very intuitive and after only a few minutes, you are executing maneuvers without a second thought. But the beauty of the game is that you don't really need to tell your squad what to do... they do VERY well all by themselves. They even take point at times and, using the same hand signals you use to direct them, tell you what they are doing and how you can best aid them in their goals. It's the closest thing I've ever seen to playing with real people. Guess that's why there is no co-op mode (a major disappointment for me). Overall, though, the game shines like a new penny. And don't be scared off if you don't like Star Wars all that much (whoever you might be). The game stands tall even without all the cool plot links the game provides in between Episodes 2 and 3. So check it out if you get the chance.

No quote this time; I'm a big enough dork as it is.

Falcon out

One Man, One Plane, One World

Touchdown

Well, it's official. At 1:50 pm Thursday March 3, 2005, Steve Fossett has touched down in Salina, Kansas. This makes his flight time just a shade over 67 hours and makes him the first human ever to circumnavigate the globe alone, without stopping, and without refueling. I promised to go apeshit and I am a man of my word.
Holy high mother of living fuck! He did it! We win! Hooray! Get that man a meal, a shower, a shit and a shave. Let him sleep for a day, and then it's time to get fucking wasted!
Phewwwwww... Sorry about that, got a little carried away there for a sec. But in all seriousness: Congratulations, Steve. This is undoubtedly one of the coolest things that a human being has done in quite a long time. Virgin Atlantic must be pretty excited right now; first SpaceShipOne, now the GlobalFlyer.
Speaking of Virgin Atlantic, in my rummaging around on their website the last few days for updates, I came across an interesting link. That's right, Virgin has already put up a website advertising consumer space travel. If you register your email address and contact info, they will be happy to contact you sometime within the next year when they plan to start taking deposits, citing that the first flights will likely get underway in 2.5 to 3 years. They plan to have the first VirginSpaceShip design (based on the SpaceShipOne) finalized in early 2005. The best part? Those nerds have named the maiden ship The Enterprise. Until till next time, noble viewers:

Ubi concordia, ibi victoria.

Falcon out